


Would you like chips and vag with that?

by Queenofthebees



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire & Related Fandoms, A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Cunnilingus, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Vaginal Fingering
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-17
Updated: 2018-02-17
Packaged: 2019-03-18 15:47:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,953
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13684779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Queenofthebees/pseuds/Queenofthebees
Summary: “Chips and salad or chips and vag?”Pyp spat his lager across the table before snorting with laughter. Sansa’s whole face went bright red and Jon’s brain seemed to just repeat the word ‘vag’ over and over.“I didn’t see that on the menu!” Grenn piped up, reaching to open Jon’s and look again. “Can I change my order?”“All the vag will be taken now mate,” Pyp replied. “Jon loves the vag after all.”“I am so, so sorry!” Sansa gasped, her hands covering her face as she looked at them all through her fingers. “I meant, chips and veg!”





	Would you like chips and vag with that?

**Author's Note:**

> So I was out for tea the other day with some friends after uni class and the waitress legit said "would you like chips and vag?" My brain instantly thought of Jonsa lol

 

“This is so sad,” Jon sighed as they wandered up to the restaurant.

“Why?” Grenn asked, skipping up onto the pavement. “Women go out for meals together all the time.”

“We’re basically just showing the world that we are rejected on Valentine’s Day,” Jon replied, scowling at the restaurant door as though it had been the reason for his singleness this year.

Pyp shrugged beside him, dragging the last few puffs out of his cigarette. This also irritated Jon since he had decided to quit smoking at New Year and it seemed his friends had apparently increased their smoking habits.

“Well, Sam got lucky at least,” Grenn sighed, shoving his hands in his pockets, his shoulders bunching up against the cold.

Pyp peered through the windows and the moment he turned to the group with a wide grin, Jon was instantly tense

“That cute redhead you like is working tonight,” he commented, finally dropping his cigarette and crushing it beneath his foot. “Sansa, wasn’t it?”

“Yeah,” Jon mumbled, inwardly cursing as he felt his cheeks heat up and his friends gave him teasing looks.

“Well, lets go,” Pyp said, gesturing to the door with that annoying grin still on his face.

Of course, it would be Sansa who greeted them with her bright smile, her hair shining like copper in the light of the room.

“Hi Jon,” she beamed as she grabbed three menus for them and led them to a table in the corner. “Can I get any drinks?”

“Three pints please,” Pyp said, glancing at Jon and Green for a sign of disagreement. “Just whatever is on tap.”

“No problem,” Sansa replied, sending another smile his way before she departed.

“She totally fancies you,” Grenn chuckled, nudging Jon’s shoulder.

“No, she doesn’t,” Jon grumbled, bringing his menu up to hide his face as he felt it heat up yet again.

“She totally does,” Pyp commented. “She was checking you out when you went to sit down.”

“She’s Robb’s little sister,” Jon stated simply.

“So, surely Robb would rather his sister was with a decent guy, no?” Pyp replied.

“Have your pick up line ready Snow, she’s coming back over,” Grenn teased.

“So boys, ready to order?” Sansa asked as she slid the glasses in front of them.

“Can I get the steak with chips please,” Grenn asked, pointing to the menu. “Medium to well done please.”

“Of course.”

“Pork fajitas please,” Pyp said.

“I’ll have lasagne please,” Jon added, closing his menu ready for her to take.

“Chips and salad or chips and vag?”

Pyp spat his lager across the table, snorting with laughter. Sansa’s whole face went bright red and Jon’s brain seemed to just repeat the word ‘vag’ over and over.

“I didn’t see that on the menu!” Grenn piped up, reaching to open Jon’s and look again. “Can I change my order?”

“All the vag will be taken now mate,” Pyp replied. “Jon loves the vag after all.”

“I am so, so sorry!” Sansa gasped, her hands covering her face as she looked at them all through her fingers. “I meant, chips and veg!”

“Aw, well that is a fucking downgrade,” Grenn grumbled. “Imagine being offered vag and then being given a bit of broccoli instead.”

“I’ll put your orders through,” she mumbled, grabbing the menus and running over to the counter area.

“You should have stepped up there Snow,” Pyp sighed, shaking his head. “You should have ordered her vag to go!”

“If I were you, I’d go up there right now and put your changed order in,” Grenn agreed, tilting his head in Sansa’s direction. “Poor girl needs some cheering up after that faux pas.”

Jon glanced over to where Sansa was talking to one of her colleagues, her hands holding her cheeks as she shook her head repeatedly. Jon pressed his lips together at the sight and glanced back at his friends.

“You really think she’s interested?” he asked.

“Honestly, I think she is,” Pyp replied.

Jon glanced over again, giving her a smile when she looked over to him again and he can see that her cheeks are still tinged pink.

"Well here goes nothing," he sighed, taking a long gulp of his pint.

The woman Sansa was talking to raised her eyebrows as he approached, causing Sansa to turn around.

"Hey," he said, barely resisting the urge to wave awkwardly at her.

"Hi," she mumbled, her eyes looking at anything but him.

"So, um," he started, shoving his hands into his pockets as he suddenly remembered how bad he is at flirting. "What time do you finish?"

She slowly raised her eyes to meet his.

"Oh, nine. Why?"

"Well, if you don't have any big Valentine's day plans maybe..."

She was smiling now, her hands clasped together in front of her.

"Maybe?"

"Maybe I could take that vag order to go."

She stared for what felt like forever, her full pink lips parted slightly as she no doubt processed his words.

"You ...are you serious?"

"Oh, shit you're not interested. Fuck, I'm sorry!" he groaned, turning to go back to the table where he would kill his friends and hide behind the menu.

"I never said I wasn't interested!" she replied, grasping his elbow to halt his escape. "Meet me out the front at five past nine."

He had spent the rest of the evening anxiously checking the clock and scoffing his food like a man starved, much to the amusement of Grenn and Pyp, who kept insisting they should get some sort of thank you gift for giving Jon the kick up the arse he needed to finally act on his feelings for Sansa.

Finally, Sansa arrived with the bill, sending him a wink as she headed back to the counter area.

“You know, now I feel like if I give her a tip, we’re pimping her out,” Grenn said as he brought his wallet out and looked at the bill.

Pyp snorted, throwing his notes down in the pile. “I’m sure she’ll forgive us.”

Jon picked the tray of money up and hurried up to the bar, glancing at the clock once more. He grinned as it struck nine, handing the tray to Sansa.

“I’ll see you in a few minutes then,” he murmured, smiling as her cheeks stained pink once more and she bit her lip as she nodded.

Jon went to rush back to the table, bumping into someone as he turned and sending him stumbling a bit.

“Sorry!” he gasped, moving to move past them.

“Gee, what’s the rush Jon?”

He glanced at the man, eyes widening as he was met with Theon Greyjoy’s smirk.

“Oh, he’s just not wanting his vag order to get cold!” Pyp stated, appearing behind Theon and handing Jon his jacket. The dark-haired man blinked, looking at Jon and then the order receipt in his hand.

“What? That wasn’t on their online menu!”

“We were gutted too mate,” Grenn sighed. “But Jon needed it more than us so we were just good friends who stepped aside.”

“Hmm, I guess Jeyne wouldn’t be thrilled if I ordered vag,” Theon chuckled as he stepped up to the counter to retrieve his order. “Well, Snow, enjoy your evening!”

“Thanks,” Jon called out, mentally thanking whatever good forces were at work in the universe for the fact that Theon had not seen Sansa with him. He doubted Robb would see the funny side of it.

“Ready?” Sansa asked as she stepped out from behind the bar. Jon nodded.

“Let’s go.”

***

He had thought about kissing Sansa more times than he would ever be comfortable admitting.

But nothing had prepared him for the softness of her lips, the sweet movement of her tongue as it curled with his own, the silky feel of her hair as his fingers bury into it.

She moaned as he pushed her against the wall, her mouth slipping away as she tilted her head down to seek out the buttons of his shirt. She pressed her mouth to his again as her fingers fumbled with his buttons and shoved his shirt off his shoulders and Jon tried to return the favour even as he attempted to resist her tempting mouth.

"Where is the bedroom?" she murmured as he finally unbuttoned her shirt.

He grabbed her hand, waiting for her to kick off her shoes before leading her down the corridor to the last room. He turned quickly, snaking a hand around her waist, another around her neck. He brought her in for another desperate kiss as he moved them backwards into the room.

He grinned against her mouth as he spun her around, guiding her back until the back of her knees hit the bed, sending her tumbling down onto his covers. He knelt at the edge of the bed, tugging her foot to bring her closer to him and then sliding his hands up across the soft material of her tights.

She sat up suddenly, her arms reaching behind her to unclasp her bra, tossing it to the floor. Jon groaned, rearing up to lavish attention on her newly exposed breasts. He pressed his thumbs to her nipples, rubbing them slowly into hardness as he kissed along the column of her throat and down to her chest.

He kept his left hand cupping and stroking the fullness of her breast as his right hand moved down and under her skirt, hooking his fingers into the waistband of her tights and tugging them in silent request.

She nodded, whimpering softly as she moved to sit up, his hand falling away from her chest. She reached around to unzip her skirt, pushing it past her hips and Jon grabbed the hem, pulling it down her legs desperately before his hands joined hers to help remove her tights.

He sat back on his knees again, tugging her leg to pull her to him once more. He smirked at her as he pressed kisses down her stomach, his hands stroking her thighs and then slowly reaching up to curl into the waistband of her underwear to pull it off of her.

He pulled her ankles over his shoulder and leaned forward, pressing kisses along her right thigh. She squirmed slightly under his assault, a soft giggle escaping her as his beard scraped her soft skin.

He groaned as her scent hit him and, pressing his hands firmly into the flesh of her thighs to keep her steady, he licked along the length of her sex in a quick, firm motion. Sansa hummed softly, a more audible gasp escaping her as he repeated the action a few more times.

He sought out her clit, pressing and licking at the nub until she was squirming and panting beneath him, breathy moans escaping her as her hands fisted in his hair. He groaned as she pushed him harder against her, her wetness soaking his beard as he moved lower and pressed his tongue against her entrance.

“Urgh, god. Jon!” she moaned, her head turning into the covers as she bucked up against his mouth in desperation.

He hummed softly, a choked sobbing sound breaking past her lips as he returned back to her clit, lips and tongue sliding and pressing against the sensitive flesh until Sansa was practically whimpering and trembling beneath him.

He groaned as she tensed beneath him, her guttural moan echoing around the room as she finished and flopped helplessly against the covers. Jon wasn’t done however, and he gently pushed at her thighs to prevent them closing around his head and continued with his assault.

“Oh god, what are…fuck… _fuck!_ ” she gasped as Jon resumed the pressure on her clit, her body tossing helplessly against his mouth as he sent her into a second climax.

He gave a low moan at the feel of her finishing around him, pressing a kiss to her clit as he moved back, the action making her jerk and whine softly. He smirked as he pushed a finger into her, her eyes fluttering open at the intrusion, wide and lust-blown.

“I can’t!” she whimpered as he moved it slowly, his head already ducking down for another round.

“You can,” he promised, smirking against her naval. “Think of it as three courses, sweetheart. There is always room for dessert.”

He pressed the flat of his tongue against her, her legs instantly jerking around his head at the pressure. He kept his finger moving inside of her as his lips closed over her clit once more, desperately working her towards a final release.

She whimpered, her head buried into the covers and hands pulling on his curls as she came a final time. He grinned as she shoved him away, hands still in his curls as she guided him up to her mouth to push their mouths together in a messy kiss.

“Jesus,” she muttered against his lips, blinking at him in a daze.

“Good?” Jon teased, kissing along her jaw. She nodded, her hands slipping down to stroke his back.

“You really do love the vag, huh?” she teased. Jon shrugged, moving to press his forehead against hers.

“Especially yours,” he whispered before claiming her lips once more.

“Do…do you have a condom?” she asked, pressing another kiss to his lips. He nodded, pulling away and reaching for the drawer of the bedside table.

He placed the foil packet by her side as he kicked off his shoes and shoved his jeans and boxers down, his foot shoving them to the side. He reached for the condom, his fingers fumbling as Sansa reached across and curled her hand around his length.

He moaned as he watched her hand move in quick strokes before he captured her wrist and gently removed her hand. He ripped the condom packet, rolling it over him before he positioned himself above her, his hand stroking along the outside of her thigh as he slid her leg around his waist.

She made a soft, approving sound in her chest as he pushed inside of her, making Jon growl with primal pride, knowing she instantly loved the feel of him inside of her. He pushed on his hands, raising his body up as he started to slowly move his hips.

Sansa whimpered softly, her nails digging into his shoulders as she rolled her hips to match his movements, her legs sliding across his side as he continued to thrust inside of her. She pressed her forehead against his shoulder as he shifted slightly, pressing himself against her clit as he moved, followed by a soft moan and harsh squeeze of her nails to show her approval.

“You feel so good,” he mumbled, feeling his hips moving faster as she slide her hands down his back, pressing firmly against his ass.

“You too,” she gasped, her breath hitching as he set a harder pace, making her grasp his hips for purchase.

He could feel her beginning to flutter around him, the constant string of breathless whimpers driving him insane as he attempted to hold off for her release. She practically sobbed his name as he reached between them, pressing his fingers to her clit and circling once, twice.

“Urgh, gods, _Jon_!”

He was sure her nails had dug hard enough to break the skin but he couldn’t care less as he watched her eyes clench shut, her head tipped back and lips parted in mindless pleasure. He groaned as she squeezed his cock, the sudden tightness causing him to jerk into his own finish.

“Fucking hell,” he muttered once he managed to control his breathing again. Sansa chuckled, her hand stroking up and down his back.

“If I had known I just had to offer you a side of vag, we could have been doing this for months!” she murmured. He laughed, pressing a kiss to her forehead.

“We could still do it for months. Or years,” he suggested. She shifted slightly, angling her head so she could look at him.

“You want to be serious?”

“Don’t you?” he asked, feeling dread flood through him. Had he misread the signs?

She smiled, her hand moving from his back to cup his cheek as she tilted his head towards her to press her lips to his.

“I’d love that.”

He smiled, kissing her once more before he moved off of her to dispose of the condom. Sansa went to use the bathroom and Jon told her to use the spare toothbrush in the cabinet. He reached into his jeans to fish out his phone, frowning at Robb’s name on the screen.

_Hey, Theon said you got lucky at the restaurant! And you didn’t even tell your bff! I feel so betrayed!_

Jon bit his lip as he heard the tap running in the bathroom.

_You are my best friend. You’re the absolute best! I wish I could be you man!_

He placed his phone down on the bedside cabinet and pulled the covers to slide underneath. He squeezed his eyes shut as he heard the buzz of his phone. Taking a deep breath, he reached over and unlocked it.

_You slept with my sister, didn’t you?_

_If I say no, would you believe me?_

_I suppose I could live in denial that you would never EVER lie to me!_

_You’re going to be very disappointed then Robb._

_I’m going to kill you when I next see you Snow!_

He heard Sansa padding along the hallway, her naked form appearing in the doorway. She grinned at him as she sauntered into the room, tossing him a smirk as his eyes raked over her. He glanced down at his phone, grinning as he replied to Robb once more.

_Worth it._


End file.
